So I did a thing. A first time thing. A very freaking cool thing.

I hit up South Lake Tahoe.

To be honest I was invited to visit this glorious place by beautiful blonde bride. My immediate reaction was something like ” ummm duh.” Who wouldn’t want an excuse to mark off a location on the bucket list? However, after tossing around the idea for a few minutes and hearing the date, I was torn. Right down the damn center. Holiday weekend. Costs included. Leaving all the unfinished work at 100 + 102 North. It was feeling like this opportunity was creeping out the door.

A few weeks later I was having “a week”. You know, the week where it seems everything in your life is mis-aligned. You are failing as a boss. You are failing as a mother. You have ditched your friend for your once a month date night like 35 1/2 times. And not only did you burn the much anticipated lasagna for the hangry beings residing with you, but you also forgot to stop and grab the Peanut Butter. Awesome.

So i just drove. By myself. With the music blasted, front windows rolled down and cried. And sang. And cried. It was moment. A really low, but in hindsight, really good freaking moment. You see – I have basically been diving head over heels into this thing called “Self-Love”. It’s absolutely foreign to me. So in this moment of supposed failure, I made the rash decision to text this bride and commit. For her. But also for me. That was it. I committed. There was no turning back for me.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was one of the VERY BEST decisions I have made FOR ME in a long time.

Before leaving the land of 10,000 frozen lakes I had done some research, hold up, actually, I talked to one of my besties and HE WAS the research. So, in typical Kayla fashion during one of my “waking hours” – I started my to do list. After all if I was going to do this for me, I needed to do it like I would for anybody else I love.

Y’all don’t need a play by play. ( Instead I’ll speak with images 🙂 Fact is – I didn’t check EVERY SINGLE ITEM off. Nope. Not even close. And, I was totally cool with it- because I was focused on what I did check off. I was focused on spending every second enjoying who I was. Where I was. And every moment in between. This was huge for me. This was the very first time in the history of ever that I was, catering to Mu-ah.

Flying into Sacramento allows for a scenic drive to South Lake Tahoe. With every fifty miles was a different terrain. Something new to smile at. You guys, I was so incredibly overwhelmed with joy it was bursting out of my seems. The 2 1/2 hour trek felt like 15 minutes in that junked out red chevy rental. No joke, when I arrived at what I will claim to be the CUTEST place around, I walked in the room and just stood there. Like, “Ok Smarty. What now? You got your YOU trip, so what the heck are you going to do with it?” Once I sat with that fifteen minute flood of emotions away, the Me-Treat began.

Introducing Y’all to Desol ation Hotel aka, my oasis.

I could show you 500 more images and tell you all the favorite places, drinks, + tastes. I could also tell you intimate details about what I learned about MYSELF. What makes me tick. I learned one of coolest things ever. It was called peace in the silence. Let’s be raw here, chaos is my middle name. Organized chaos is my cousins. In the scheme of life I am always adding to my plate. And that, that comes from my heart. The silence, that just didn’t work. I couldn’t bear it. I would numb myself to escape the pain of sitting with myself, by myself. Yup. Please do read that again. Not only do I choose to not make time for that but I realized I was creating the chaos to run from it. And here I was, at what I am claiming to be the BEST AGE EVER of 38, in silence and loving the shit out of it. The serenity of nature. The steam of the sauna. The incredible drive around the lake. Iconic. Magical. Amazing. And down right cool.

Side Note. “I love asking people to take photos” said nobody ever, but it’s that or a full on war with a selfie stick. So you get this. And you choose not to delete it. Ever.

Being mis-aligned it miserable. But it is a part of life. It’s part of something bigger, better, stronger, louder, faster. All the things. Its spelled GROWTH. It’s not for everybody. I am A-Ok with that. But it is for surely for me. Give me all the raw, all the real, all the bullshit. I don’t think I will ever be ready for it, but I know NOW, I ll make it through it. And on that trek, I will find, see, and do so many totally wild things. I will learn. I will love. And you know what, I will share. For one main priority … to cultivate growth in me. And anyone that crosses my path.